Behold the first tech-version of "The Onion" (actually, they've been ripping us off for years). Contained herein are all the AcmeVaporware press releases, TorpoPhysical Bulletins, supersecret communiques, meeting notes and general colonic errata associated with a torpo-decade under the influence, to include the latter half of The Roaring Nineties, and on into the crappy and dangerous Force-vector Zeroes, not to mention one BROBDINGNAGIAN run-on sentence that doesn't seem to know when to stop, or where, or how. Phew. As you well know, corporate press releases in general are a big stupid archaic waste of time -- and our corporate press releases are no exception. The TORPOMETRONOMICON represents the ULTIMATE in IT/networking bathroom reading.