Abandoned Orphaned Manipulated Gay It was no wonder that I became rebellious and resentful. Standing up to all these pressures in my life and faced with my grandmother's mortality, I reverted to the frightened child I thought I had left behind. I was overcome with anxiety and panic attacks; that paralysed me to the point of contemplating suicide. The years of abandonment and feelings of futility following my childhood institutionalisation and the early death of my mother from a lifelong illness, manifested themselves in highly emotional and physical ways that made it impossible for me to function in society - so I withdrew. From within this debilitating experience, I had to find a way through by obtaining the professional help I needed. This is my story of tenacity to live my life with the freedom to make my own decisions.