When moody, brooding, self-absorbed 19-year old Bell moves to dreary Sporks, Washington with her father (who, despite his best attempts to conceal it, obviously likes to play for the other team), she instantly falls in love with equally moody, brooding, and let's not forget "sparkly" vampire Eddie Twilight. Despite the fact they know absolutely nothing about each other, and the fact that they're both complete losers, the douchebags begin a whirlwind romance that sickens everyone around them. (Sound familiar yet?) Bell soon begins to suspect Eddie is not quite as invested in their unhealthy romance as she is. After all, she does keep finding him in compromising positions with other hot guys. She's willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship (or lack thereof) work. But a major roadblock soon appears in the form of badass vampire assassin Duffy. Duffy is hella pissed at Eddie for sucking all the blood out of her pet rabbit, Thumper. (For you see, Eddie is a vampire "wannabe" who prefers to suck the blood of poor, innocent animals instead of humans.) And Duffy is out for revenge. Will Bell and Eddie prevail over Duffy's blood-drenched invasion of the vampire-infested city of Sporks? Or will Duffy get what she so desperately desires: Twilight's head on a spike? This story is basically how we all wished the real Twilight had ended.