You've seen it all before - sex scenes that are bad. Like, really bad. Cringeworthy, ridiculous, what-am-I-even-reading bad. So have we, and we thought, "Hey! We could write this!" And so we did. But our goal was to top them. Come along with us. We'll make you look up horse breeds, change how you see zombies, put you off hot dogs for a while, and after, you probably won't be able to read sex scenes anymore without thinking of us. You're welcome.