What to Do if Your Chute Doesn't Open! Survivors' Guide to the Last Days of the Coming Climate Inferno The battle is lost. Nothing anyone has done has stopped the increase in global warming, and the projections tell us increased temperatures will poach much of what survives by 2050. So let's have a plan to make the best of our environment while our grandchildren can still enjoy what is ours today but probably not theirs in the future. A lot of dedicated people all over the world are working on climate cooling, but still, temperatures escalate. We don't need another long, data-centric diatribe about what is not getting done to reverse escaping carbon. This work is a short, 8,000-word, irreverent guide written to spur the apathetic and get them to think about what they will do with the next twenty or thirty years of their lives and their children's lives-now that we've decided to cook their future. It is essential to set up your trips to the planet's dying places: islands, glaciers, and coral reefs. Forget about doing things that never did make a difference: short showers, recycling, and cutting back on burgers. Live your life as if there is no tomorrow, buy a nuclear car, drink out of plastic bottles, and wear polyester again. If you're an optimist, maybe you'll want to undertake some job training for the new tomorrow: space shuttle attendant, crypt relocation, sea wall construction, cricket ranching, or above-ground sanitation worker. If the future will be miserable for the survivors, you'd better get started to be one of the folks that control the high ground so you can pick your neighbors. There is not as much time as you would imagine to get this done; the changes are already happening. So after years of trying to make the world a better place, it's time to look defeat in the eyes and make the most of surrender. Sarcastic, impudent, and politely offensive, these pages aim to get to those who aren't reading the five hundred-page discourses on climate injustices. We need a short, hard-hitting yet entertaining presentation about the world we are giving up told in a way that maybe even my father would read. This is a book for the masses, one to be read by politicians, business leaders, students, and everyone that needs a kick in the ass to take global warming more seriously.