When Clowns Attack

CHUCK SAMBUCHINO works for Writer’s Digest and edits both the Guide to Literary Agents and the Children’s Writer’s & Illustrator’s Market. His first book, How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack, was optioned for film by Sony. Naturally, he hates clowns, and lives in a heavily fortified residence in the Midwest to avoid them. Besides that, he is a freelance editor, cover band guitarist, retro gamer, and owner of a flabby-yet-lovable dog. Connect with him at chucksambuchino.com or @chucksambuchino on Twitter.

INTRODUCTION 1
1: ASSESS
Why Clowns Frighten People 6
The Mental Instability of Clowns 15
2: ANALYZE
Types of Clowns 29
The Party Clown 29
The Circus Clown 30
The Street Clown 32
The Tramp or Hobo 33
The Dunking Booth Clown 34
The Cirque de Soleil “Clown” 35
Clown Anatomy 41
Hat 41
Wig 43
Face Paint 44
Nose 47
Shoes 47
Oversized Pants 50
Clown Communication & Lingo 53


3: DEFEND
Bozo Hotspots 61
Targets for Attack 65
When Clowns Attack 73
Clown Weapons (Their Arsenal) 74
Clown Assault Tactics 83
How to Defeat a Clown 87
Clown Gangs 95
How to Escape a Clown Posse 99
4: PROTECT
Spotting the Plainclothes Clown 106
Signs that Clowns Are Nearby 115
Protect Your Home 119
Conclusion 127
Acknowledgments 128
Photo Credits 129