Includes the award-winning stories "Going Green, Seeing Red" and "Driving Miss Conception " Excerpts from Why I Hate Straws "I finally decided to try one of the new, non-threatening light bulbs - you know, one of those curly things that looks like soft-serve ice cream, costs more than a tanning bed, and is guaranteed to save me up to 12 cents between now and the formation of any new continents." "You may be thinking, though probably not, 'how does a mere mortal build a web site?' Well, it's really quite simple. I type normal human words, wrap them in weird code words, and suddenly you're able to download air-brushed pictures of moody Nordic women." "After thanking himself, and then introducing himself, and then thanking himself for inviting himself, the President actually said, out loud, 'next page.'" Online author Barry Parham unleashes this set of satire, humor, and indignations. His perorations poke at family, dating, politics, culture, nature, good and bad decisions, and ferrets.