Here are candid observations and quips from a minister with over 35 years experience. These 36 delightful essays will be instantly recognized by anyone who serves a parish ministry. Consider... You can never hide the fact that you are a clergyman. Maybe it's the way we usually sit down front... it could be the shameless way we sing hymns as though they were meant to be heard. I've gone to church in a sport shirt and pastel slacks and had people say to me, "You don't look like a minister, but you sure do sing like one." Personally, I've always thought of heaven as down, like down in the Caribbean in February. The ad in the church supplies magazine said, "We put the van into evangelical." It was from a company that sells buses and other vehicles to churches. If you can't afford a van look what Peter did with only a pair of sandals and a heart of love. During a sermon, a spider dropped down from the end of the microphone. Ordinarily, I can take spiders, but in the middle of a sermon, I don't need any more distraction. I get enough sirens, coughers, and bookdroppers -- and people who sit there grinning and I can't figure out why. Paul A. Corcoran is a retired Presbyterian pastor who has served parishes in the United States and England and has taught at the University of Pittsburgh and Dickenson College, Carlisle, Pennsylvania. Corcoran's other CSS title is With All Due Respect. This book was originally published under the title Don't Wash Your Antependia.