When a woman gives birth, she may, unwittingly, remember violent things. Ugly things. Unspoken things.


After her twins were born, Jessica Cornwell stopped feeling. Plagued by memories of a traumatic birth, wrestling with ongoing physical pain and the brutal demands of caring for two tiny babies, she struggled to experience joy and love. Instead, she was consumed by fear and haunted by recurrent thoughts of blood and danger.


It was only when she received a diagnosis of post-partum PTSD and began therapy that Jessica was able to confront the secrets in her past. As she began to understand how her experience of birth had triggered her traumatic memories of sexual assault, she was finally able to integrate those memories into her identity as a mother and a survivor - and begin to heal.

'An astonishing memoir about the intersection between birth trauma and sexual trauma. Hugely important, courageous, and beautifully written' Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett, author of The Tyranny of Lost Things

'Shows the jagged, uncomfortable journey towards recovery that PTSD survivors undertake if they are to live in the present. So many women will feel less alone after reading this book' Katie Ward, author of Girl Reading

'Magnificent ... a work of truth, understanding, scholarship and hope' Susie Orbach, author of In Therapy