This book began as a series of hand-scribbled notes, never intended to be seen by anyone but me. In March of 2018, I made a discovery that rocked me to my very core and, in searching for a way to cope, I began to write - just random thoughts, jotted down in no particular order. I wrote about my childhood, my wonderful dad, my emotionally abusive mother, the small town where we lived. I wrote about my father's love of the military, what my family was like, and what my siblings and I did as kids in the 40s and 50s. I became obsessed. Sometimes up until 3am, other times sleeping a few hours and waking in the middle of the night to write until daylight arrived, I could think of nothing else. Often, I cried as I wrote. After a while I became completely exhausted. I put it all away and let it sit for a month, then started again, a little less emotionally distraught. I began to think it made a good story, perhaps even a book, so I gathered all of the random, messy notes together and began the difficult task of putting them in some kind of sensible order. Some were in a notebook, others on separate pieces of paper of all different sizes. Some were scribbled upside down or along the edge of a page or on the back of an envelope, and some were vague thoughts of just a word or two. That's how it began. Once it started to take form, I expanded the scope of it, describing my strange and unsuccessful marriage and the difficulty of becoming a single parent of four, on my own both emotionally and financially. There's lots more, but I don't want to give it all away And yes, it's all true. I hope you enjoy reading it.