Plenty of Carp

This complication of short stories and poetry relate to experiences of hooking Carp in the plural form as with sheep, moose, and deer. Short stories such as "Peas and Carrots, A Carpet Cleaner is Not a Sex Toy" and "Jack the Hammer Meets Betty Crocker" will have you laughing with tears since you may have had similar experiences. Poetry including, "Dull, Interesting," and "Six Plus Four Equals Zero" provide an understanding that there is no one genre when it comes to describing a Carp encounter. An evening with bottom feeders always lends itself to spontaneous combustion since a gal never knows what will come flapping from his big rubbery lips.

Carp line of introduction: "I like oral and I am not referring to hygiene."

Do these sound familiar?

Carp: "Take off your glasses so that I can see what you look like."

Cindy Lucy: "Well then, you take off your pants so I can see what you look like."

Cindy Lucy: "Why did I bother to shave my legs? This Carp has more hair sprouting out of the top of his shirt collar, the inside of his nose and his ears than I have on my entire body. I wonder if first dates should come with a razor."

Cindy Lucy: "Men and Pavlov's dog are related. Both of them are trained to salivate."

Carp: "Who's Pavlov? Is he a member of the rock group Kiss?"

Cindy Lucy: "How come your picture with your bio shows you thirty years younger and fifty pounds lighter? Is that your baby picture you have on file?"

Cindy Lucy: "I have faith in tulips and you will too when you read my escapades, or it may be charades, with Carp. They all come with baggage packed in a tackle box with lures that do not match the female rod and reel. I have learned that Carp mutate, therefore understanding the species provides no baseline and too many variables for problem solving. I am sure none of them come with exponential value."