Rituals for Life, Love, and Loss
Autor Dorothy McRae-Mcmahon, Sydney Barbara Metricken Limba Engleză Hardback – 22 sep 2014
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Specificații
ISBN-13: 9781630268916
ISBN-10: 1630268917
Pagini: 162
Dimensiuni: 152 x 229 x 13 mm
Greutate: 0.41 kg
Editura: Hunter House Publishers
ISBN-10: 1630268917
Pagini: 162
Dimensiuni: 152 x 229 x 13 mm
Greutate: 0.41 kg
Editura: Hunter House Publishers
Cuprins
Introduction
Using These Rituals
The Celebration
Blessing a Home
A Marriage Ceremony
Commitment for Two People
The Birth of a Child
Naming a Child
For a Child with a Disability
Compassion for Yourself
A Milestone Birthday
A Citizenship Ceremony
Our Heroes and Heroines
Celebrating Our Country
The In Between
Forgiving Yourself
Forgiving Someone Else
A Termination of Pregnancy
Surviving Domestic Violence
Surviving Sexual Abuse
The End of a Marriage
Sending Someone into Care
Facing Illness
The Grieving
Facing a Miscarriage
A Funeral for a Baby
Grieving a Missing Person
Farewelling a Loved One
Grieving a Suicide
A Simple Funeral
Burying or Scattering Ashes
The Death of a Pet
Grieving Violence
After the Fires
Facing the Drought
Using These Rituals
The Celebration
Blessing a Home
A Marriage Ceremony
Commitment for Two People
The Birth of a Child
Naming a Child
For a Child with a Disability
Compassion for Yourself
A Milestone Birthday
A Citizenship Ceremony
Our Heroes and Heroines
Celebrating Our Country
The In Between
Forgiving Yourself
Forgiving Someone Else
A Termination of Pregnancy
Surviving Domestic Violence
Surviving Sexual Abuse
The End of a Marriage
Sending Someone into Care
Facing Illness
The Grieving
Facing a Miscarriage
A Funeral for a Baby
Grieving a Missing Person
Farewelling a Loved One
Grieving a Suicide
A Simple Funeral
Burying or Scattering Ashes
The Death of a Pet
Grieving Violence
After the Fires
Facing the Drought
Notă biografică
Dorothy McRae-McMahon is a retired Minister of the Uniting Church in Australia but she continues to preach at an inner-city Uniting Church in the parish of South Sydney. She is an internationally recognized creator and writer of religious rituals, and the first woman to be the Moderator of the World Council of Churches Worship Committee. She holds an Honorary Doctorate of Letters from Macquarie University for her work with minorities and her contribution to the spiritual life of her community. In 1977, McRae-McMahon was awarded a Jubilee Medal by the Queen for her work with women; she has also received the Australian Government Peace Award (1986) and the Australian Human Rights Medal (1988). She lives in Sydney, Australia.
Sydney Barbara Metrick has authored several books including Crossing the Bridge, I Do, The Art of Ritual, and Art from Ashes. Her master's degree is in transpersonal counseling psychology and her doctorate is in expressive arts therapy. For more than 25 years, Dr. Metrick has specialized in supporting people through various life transitions by creating personalized ceremonies or using therapeutic techniques. Dr. Metrick is also a professor at the Eisner Institute for Professional Studies, where she teaches graduate classes in psychology and coaching. She lives in El Sobrante, CA.
Sydney Barbara Metrick has authored several books including Crossing the Bridge, I Do, The Art of Ritual, and Art from Ashes. Her master's degree is in transpersonal counseling psychology and her doctorate is in expressive arts therapy. For more than 25 years, Dr. Metrick has specialized in supporting people through various life transitions by creating personalized ceremonies or using therapeutic techniques. Dr. Metrick is also a professor at the Eisner Institute for Professional Studies, where she teaches graduate classes in psychology and coaching. She lives in El Sobrante, CA.
Extras
From the INTRODUCTION
Many people these days suffer from a lack of ritual in their lives. Sometimes this is because, in the past, religious institutions carried this part of our life and we may have separated ourselves from them. Often it is because the culture to which we belong has lost some of its old rituals, or never had many. Of course, some of us create our own small rituals — like always going to the pub after work or ritual life around sporting events. However, these simple rituals do not usually carry in them a clear focus on our pain, grief and joy which marks particular parts of our life journey.
Gathering up our special life moments in ritual can be about having someone to take you through a caring journey of reflection when much of the rest of the world does not seem to have noticed the significance of a particular time in your life. It can be about daring to believe that we can live respectfully with ourselves and that others could love us as ordinary stumbling members of the human race. It can be about giving due respect to deep pain or grief, or marking a moment of celebration in a way which goes beyond simply having a party. It can be setting aside a special time to stop and reflect by ourselves on what is happening to us and how we are feeling.
For example, in these days of almost non-existent divorce proceedings, a hugely significant event can take place as though nothing has happened. When people donate an organ to another or receive one, these momentous and ambiguous events can be seen as a good thing for those concerned but not worthy of further attention. People who have no connection with organized religion are still due for significant and appropriate weddings and funerals or naming of children and sometimes find it hard to find words and symbols for themselves.
We often need to create a symbol or symbolic act as a statement of hope that, against the odds, we will survive and "come home" to peacefulness and an end to sharp sorrow or to forgiveness and hard-won joy. Who will forget the action of the then Governor General of Australia, Sir William Deane, in tying yellow ribbons to a tree at Government House for the international aids workers who were imprisoned during the war in Kosovo? Who will forget him throwing the sprigs of wattle into the dangerous waters of a river in Switzerland as a sign that we cared for those who had died there?
The strength of rituals also lies in their structured style. We are given boundaries for the entry into our grief and pain and a special solemn joy in celebration. People who feel that, if they begin to cry, they may never stop are often given a sense of security by the formality of a ritual and the fact that someone else is in charge and will take them through certain processes with clarity and responsibility.
This book may be used in many ways. The meditations are for personal use as a possible guide to a focus on the event concerned. I would never dare to claim that every thought will stand in true empathy with everyone’s experience. My hope is that there will be enough for it to be respectful, to ring true here and there and to be a beginning point.
The rituals may never be used, but it is my experience that, even when they are not, some people are comforted by reading them through and imagining that they are a participant. They may, of course, be used by counselors, pastors or therapists or a group of friends who are invited to stand around the person concerned in this way to demonstrate a serious support, concern and confidence.
Even though these are non-religious rituals, here and there I have implied a sense of mysteries of love and healing that lie beyond ourselves. I have resisted using the word "secular" in relation to the meditations and rituals in this book because, although it strictly means non-religious, many people have come to believe that it means non-spiritual. If I have chosen to avoid most religious references, it is in respect for those who find religious references alienating, for many and often complex reasons. It is also because I affirm and respect that there are many authentic and worthy forms of spirituality. Religious people will know how to add their own prayers and religious references.
There are a few rituals in this book which are suggestions for our life together as communities and as a nation. They stand as beginning thoughts for the developing of our own moving and gracious occasions during which we begin to express our hopes and aspirations as a people.
It is my hope that as people use these meditations and rituals, they will feel through the words and pictures that someone, somewhere, has understood a little of what they are experiencing. I also hope that everyone who uses these rituals or meditations will be profoundly affirmed in the dignity of their human journey.
=========================================================
Examples of rituals which have been used by many people:
BLESSING A HOME
I often think that we can create different spaces by what we do in them; that they are not simply building materials put together in various ways. Of course, there are ugly or beautiful places and we have different impressions about light and space and furnishing which enhance them for us. When you think of walking into places which someone calls sacred, it is often the atmosphere that invites that naming. Not that blessing a home can create an immediately special atmosphere, but it may possibly be a beginning or a continuing of something begun before.
Obviously this ritual can be reorganized according to the placement of various rooms and their importance to those who live there.
You will need
Someone to lead the overall ceremony or a person assigned to lead in each room.
A candle for carrying.
A small gift for each room which others have provided — ask a friend or family member to think of some small thing which could stay in each room in memory of its blessing. It might be something like a colored key for the front door, a candle holder, a tiny picture, a wine glass, a little stained-glass bird for a window, a bowl or a little cloth.
To explain to those gathered that, after some brief words from the person assigned to read the ritual, they will be invited to add words or phrases which describe their hopes for each room.
WE ARE GATHERED
We are gathered here
to bless this home,
to add our love to this place
and to those who live here.
We will light a candle
to symbolize that love,
and we will carry its warmth into each room as we go.
(The candle is lit and carried to the entry of the home, followed by the people.)
THE ENTRY
May all who enter here
come in grace,
some to give, some to receive,
all to add to life here.
If we have some words or phrases which describe our hopes for this room, let us offer them now.
(The people name their hopes.)
And now (name) has kindly brought a small gift to leave here as a sign of blessing.
(The gift is explained and placed, and the people are led into the next room for its blessing.)
THE MAIN BEDROOM
May this be a place of rest and recreation,
a sanctuary for good,
a place of warmth in cold
and coolness in heat,
a sacred space
for small and large meditations on life,
a new beginning space
and a peaceful place for endings and closure.
If we have some words or phrases which describe our hopes for this room, let us offer them now.
(The people name their hopes.)
And now (name) has kindly brought a small gift to leave here as a sign of blessing.
(The gift is explained and placed, and the people led into the next room for its blessing.)
[...]
==========================================================
GRIEVING A SUICIDE (ritual or funeral)
This ritual can be used as a funeral for a person who has committed suicide, or it can be used simply as a ritual. Sometimes, for various reasons, it is not possible or acceptable to have a strong focus in a traditional funeral and particular people feel they need something more at a later date.
You will need
A large bowl of water to be placed on a central table or on a cloth flowing from a table
Loose flowers in a basket
LET US GRIEVE AND CELEBRATE
Dear friends,
we have come together
because we loved (name)
as (son, brother, family and friend).
Here we will mourn him/her leaving us,
honor his/her life,
reverently farewell his/her body (if it is a funeral)
and comfort each other.
We come believing that all human life is valuable,
no matter how it is begun or how it is ended.
We come to claim the truth and integrity
which lived and died in this life and which lives on in us.
We come, believing that (name's) life,
which we remember today
and for which we now experience great loss,
is joined with all life, stretching into the past and into the future.
His/her life was lived in its uniqueness with us
and has now passed into the ultimate community
of human existence with all its embracing diversity.
REFLECTION
At this moment,
as we come face to face with death,
especially this tragic death,
we have many feelings alongside our grief.
This is a harsher moment than we expected.
Around this death are more questions than answers.
In the face of that, let us open our hearts to each other
in mutual comfort and reassurance.
(Name) chose the manner and the time of his/her dying
and this is hard for us to face.
In our grief, we ask ourselves whether,
if had we been different people,
or done something more for him/her,
he/she would have stayed longer with us
and chosen a gentler death.
There will never be enough tears to express our pain
as we recognize his/her pain at the ending of his/her life.
We are facing the truth that in (name)
there were needs that could not be met by any of us
and probably questions that could not be answered
in this lifetime.
We are facing the truth that sometimes,
in our humanness,
we will never have enough to offer
for the unlocking of life
and the sustaining of life in another,
even though we may give all that we have to give.
We place this bowl of water,
the sign of our weeping,
at the center of our life today.
(The bowl is placed on the table.)
We may live with the questions forever,
but the affirmation for us at this moment
is that all that is ever required of us
is that we do our best in loving each other
and in responding to each other's needs.
That is all we can ever do, all we can ever offer.
This we have done in all integrity,
as ordinary fallible human beings,
as family and as friends of (name).
We are therefore, at this moment,
invited to forgive ourselves and to forgive each other,
if we believe that this is needed
and to comfort and re-assure each other.
We are called to go on and to live our lives in peace
and to trust in the kindest experiences of (name) himself/herself.
Let us now begin a new journey of life,
carrying this death among us lovingly
but laying down the struggles of the past.
(A silence is kept.)
The gifts and graces which (name) offered
must never be lost to us in the pain of his/her dying.
We claim the creativity which he/she brought to us
in his/her life and relationships,
far beyond that which he/she may have realized.
We cherish that good life
And carry it within our own lives into the future.
Our lives were changed because we lived with him/her
And that will never lose its significance
in the manner of his/her dying.
[...]
==========================================================
FORGIVING YOURSELF
There are few things more destructive to us than the carrying of guilt. Obviously, it is appropriate to grieve what we have done and assume responsibility for doing what we can to repair things, but some of us proceed to carry the guilt on with us like a load on our backs.
In the best religious circles, there are often rituals or processes through which people can tell someone about guilt which they are carrying....
Many people these days suffer from a lack of ritual in their lives. Sometimes this is because, in the past, religious institutions carried this part of our life and we may have separated ourselves from them. Often it is because the culture to which we belong has lost some of its old rituals, or never had many. Of course, some of us create our own small rituals — like always going to the pub after work or ritual life around sporting events. However, these simple rituals do not usually carry in them a clear focus on our pain, grief and joy which marks particular parts of our life journey.
Gathering up our special life moments in ritual can be about having someone to take you through a caring journey of reflection when much of the rest of the world does not seem to have noticed the significance of a particular time in your life. It can be about daring to believe that we can live respectfully with ourselves and that others could love us as ordinary stumbling members of the human race. It can be about giving due respect to deep pain or grief, or marking a moment of celebration in a way which goes beyond simply having a party. It can be setting aside a special time to stop and reflect by ourselves on what is happening to us and how we are feeling.
For example, in these days of almost non-existent divorce proceedings, a hugely significant event can take place as though nothing has happened. When people donate an organ to another or receive one, these momentous and ambiguous events can be seen as a good thing for those concerned but not worthy of further attention. People who have no connection with organized religion are still due for significant and appropriate weddings and funerals or naming of children and sometimes find it hard to find words and symbols for themselves.
We often need to create a symbol or symbolic act as a statement of hope that, against the odds, we will survive and "come home" to peacefulness and an end to sharp sorrow or to forgiveness and hard-won joy. Who will forget the action of the then Governor General of Australia, Sir William Deane, in tying yellow ribbons to a tree at Government House for the international aids workers who were imprisoned during the war in Kosovo? Who will forget him throwing the sprigs of wattle into the dangerous waters of a river in Switzerland as a sign that we cared for those who had died there?
The strength of rituals also lies in their structured style. We are given boundaries for the entry into our grief and pain and a special solemn joy in celebration. People who feel that, if they begin to cry, they may never stop are often given a sense of security by the formality of a ritual and the fact that someone else is in charge and will take them through certain processes with clarity and responsibility.
This book may be used in many ways. The meditations are for personal use as a possible guide to a focus on the event concerned. I would never dare to claim that every thought will stand in true empathy with everyone’s experience. My hope is that there will be enough for it to be respectful, to ring true here and there and to be a beginning point.
The rituals may never be used, but it is my experience that, even when they are not, some people are comforted by reading them through and imagining that they are a participant. They may, of course, be used by counselors, pastors or therapists or a group of friends who are invited to stand around the person concerned in this way to demonstrate a serious support, concern and confidence.
Even though these are non-religious rituals, here and there I have implied a sense of mysteries of love and healing that lie beyond ourselves. I have resisted using the word "secular" in relation to the meditations and rituals in this book because, although it strictly means non-religious, many people have come to believe that it means non-spiritual. If I have chosen to avoid most religious references, it is in respect for those who find religious references alienating, for many and often complex reasons. It is also because I affirm and respect that there are many authentic and worthy forms of spirituality. Religious people will know how to add their own prayers and religious references.
There are a few rituals in this book which are suggestions for our life together as communities and as a nation. They stand as beginning thoughts for the developing of our own moving and gracious occasions during which we begin to express our hopes and aspirations as a people.
It is my hope that as people use these meditations and rituals, they will feel through the words and pictures that someone, somewhere, has understood a little of what they are experiencing. I also hope that everyone who uses these rituals or meditations will be profoundly affirmed in the dignity of their human journey.
=========================================================
Examples of rituals which have been used by many people:
BLESSING A HOME
I often think that we can create different spaces by what we do in them; that they are not simply building materials put together in various ways. Of course, there are ugly or beautiful places and we have different impressions about light and space and furnishing which enhance them for us. When you think of walking into places which someone calls sacred, it is often the atmosphere that invites that naming. Not that blessing a home can create an immediately special atmosphere, but it may possibly be a beginning or a continuing of something begun before.
Obviously this ritual can be reorganized according to the placement of various rooms and their importance to those who live there.
You will need
Someone to lead the overall ceremony or a person assigned to lead in each room.
A candle for carrying.
A small gift for each room which others have provided — ask a friend or family member to think of some small thing which could stay in each room in memory of its blessing. It might be something like a colored key for the front door, a candle holder, a tiny picture, a wine glass, a little stained-glass bird for a window, a bowl or a little cloth.
To explain to those gathered that, after some brief words from the person assigned to read the ritual, they will be invited to add words or phrases which describe their hopes for each room.
WE ARE GATHERED
We are gathered here
to bless this home,
to add our love to this place
and to those who live here.
We will light a candle
to symbolize that love,
and we will carry its warmth into each room as we go.
(The candle is lit and carried to the entry of the home, followed by the people.)
THE ENTRY
May all who enter here
come in grace,
some to give, some to receive,
all to add to life here.
If we have some words or phrases which describe our hopes for this room, let us offer them now.
(The people name their hopes.)
And now (name) has kindly brought a small gift to leave here as a sign of blessing.
(The gift is explained and placed, and the people are led into the next room for its blessing.)
THE MAIN BEDROOM
May this be a place of rest and recreation,
a sanctuary for good,
a place of warmth in cold
and coolness in heat,
a sacred space
for small and large meditations on life,
a new beginning space
and a peaceful place for endings and closure.
If we have some words or phrases which describe our hopes for this room, let us offer them now.
(The people name their hopes.)
And now (name) has kindly brought a small gift to leave here as a sign of blessing.
(The gift is explained and placed, and the people led into the next room for its blessing.)
[...]
==========================================================
GRIEVING A SUICIDE (ritual or funeral)
This ritual can be used as a funeral for a person who has committed suicide, or it can be used simply as a ritual. Sometimes, for various reasons, it is not possible or acceptable to have a strong focus in a traditional funeral and particular people feel they need something more at a later date.
You will need
A large bowl of water to be placed on a central table or on a cloth flowing from a table
Loose flowers in a basket
LET US GRIEVE AND CELEBRATE
Dear friends,
we have come together
because we loved (name)
as (son, brother, family and friend).
Here we will mourn him/her leaving us,
honor his/her life,
reverently farewell his/her body (if it is a funeral)
and comfort each other.
We come believing that all human life is valuable,
no matter how it is begun or how it is ended.
We come to claim the truth and integrity
which lived and died in this life and which lives on in us.
We come, believing that (name's) life,
which we remember today
and for which we now experience great loss,
is joined with all life, stretching into the past and into the future.
His/her life was lived in its uniqueness with us
and has now passed into the ultimate community
of human existence with all its embracing diversity.
REFLECTION
At this moment,
as we come face to face with death,
especially this tragic death,
we have many feelings alongside our grief.
This is a harsher moment than we expected.
Around this death are more questions than answers.
In the face of that, let us open our hearts to each other
in mutual comfort and reassurance.
(Name) chose the manner and the time of his/her dying
and this is hard for us to face.
In our grief, we ask ourselves whether,
if had we been different people,
or done something more for him/her,
he/she would have stayed longer with us
and chosen a gentler death.
There will never be enough tears to express our pain
as we recognize his/her pain at the ending of his/her life.
We are facing the truth that in (name)
there were needs that could not be met by any of us
and probably questions that could not be answered
in this lifetime.
We are facing the truth that sometimes,
in our humanness,
we will never have enough to offer
for the unlocking of life
and the sustaining of life in another,
even though we may give all that we have to give.
We place this bowl of water,
the sign of our weeping,
at the center of our life today.
(The bowl is placed on the table.)
We may live with the questions forever,
but the affirmation for us at this moment
is that all that is ever required of us
is that we do our best in loving each other
and in responding to each other's needs.
That is all we can ever do, all we can ever offer.
This we have done in all integrity,
as ordinary fallible human beings,
as family and as friends of (name).
We are therefore, at this moment,
invited to forgive ourselves and to forgive each other,
if we believe that this is needed
and to comfort and re-assure each other.
We are called to go on and to live our lives in peace
and to trust in the kindest experiences of (name) himself/herself.
Let us now begin a new journey of life,
carrying this death among us lovingly
but laying down the struggles of the past.
(A silence is kept.)
The gifts and graces which (name) offered
must never be lost to us in the pain of his/her dying.
We claim the creativity which he/she brought to us
in his/her life and relationships,
far beyond that which he/she may have realized.
We cherish that good life
And carry it within our own lives into the future.
Our lives were changed because we lived with him/her
And that will never lose its significance
in the manner of his/her dying.
[...]
==========================================================
FORGIVING YOURSELF
There are few things more destructive to us than the carrying of guilt. Obviously, it is appropriate to grieve what we have done and assume responsibility for doing what we can to repair things, but some of us proceed to carry the guilt on with us like a load on our backs.
In the best religious circles, there are often rituals or processes through which people can tell someone about guilt which they are carrying....