"In my state of shock and dismay, I asked God over and over again, "Why?" Always, before closing my eyes at night, I prayed for my sons, asking God to keep them healthy, happy, and safe. I never dreamed that a horrific crime would take one of their lives. This nightmare was indeed unbelievable. I was unable to focus. I kept thinking that there had been a mistake; I kept trying to convince myself that it wasn't James who had been killed. I found myself rambling on and on in an attempt to comprehend the reality that I had lost my oldest son. The situation was hopeless. "