What? You've never taken the Pirate Challenge or played Touch The Nuclear Bomb? You've never experienced minus 20 degrees o'clock centigrade? Never gone over the top on a roller coaster shouting 'Holy Folding Moses!'? You've never driven past Al Green's purple church or stood beneath the tallest flagpole in Finland? You've never looked out through the cut-out eyes of a paper plate face and seen your beloved hand-built guitar broken in half by a careless sound man? You've never sung the only song in the world? You need to get out more. It's time to go... to Heligoland...AND BEYOND...! 'If you actually want to know what rock music is all about, if somewhere in your soul you wonder what it might be like - the fame, the fortune, the festivals, the cheese sandwich - then read TV Smith's diaries. Hilarious and honest and incredibly readable. They are magic.' - Neil Gaiman, author. 'Always punk's most thoughtful lyricist and an electrifying live performer, TV Smith's dry humour and acute observation make his tour diaries hilarious and essential reading.' - Tom Robinson, musician and broadcaster.